Winding down

Today was a bit of a mopey one. We had people over yesterday for dinner and a movie and ended up having a late night (11pm—late for Kibungo) so I ended up sleeping in (until 7:30) and then had a hectic morning. Earlier this week I finished off the last of the oatmeal that I brought with me to Rwanda. Luckily, we discovered Quaker Quick Oats a few weeks ago in Kibungo so I still have porridge in the mornings but the oats are somehow different here so it gets kind of clumpy. This might have been the trigger to my bad day.

Since we’ve now gone to see the gorillas and our project was put on hold, the only think we have to think about is wrapping up here because we are leaving Rwanda so soon. The three of us are going to be in a friend’s wedding party next weekend so we will be spending the weekend in Kigali. This means that we really only have until next Friday in Kibungo—after the wedding we will just be coming back to Kibungo to pack up our things. You’re only allowed 90 days in Rwanda without paying for a VISA so Kathy and I will be leaving for Tanzania on the 14^th.

While I’ve really enjoyed living here and I’ve met so many great people and learned so much, I don’t feel overly attached to Kibungo. I would definitely love to come back to visit, and I would jump on any opportunity to come back to Rwanda for work or research, but I don’t think I’ll be too sad to leave. Or at least not for the normal reasons one would feel sad to leave a place.

 I was doing a bit of laundry today and started to make a bag of clothes that I will leave behind. I started thinking about who I would give certain things to and I think that’s what got me down. I came here thinking that we were different from other volunteer organizations because we would be living in one town for 3 months and we would start to fit in and live like Rwandans. And while we tried—we learned a bit of the language, we moved out of our hotel, we bought food at the market to do our own cooking—I really don’t think it’s possible. I could get used to life here: the slow pace, the bucket showers, the predictable schedule of the tap water, and the unpredictable/frequent power outages. But I think the one thing that would get to me is that I would always stick out as something different. When I walk past people on the street the most common thing I hear is ‘muzungu’ (white person), followed by ‘amafaranga’ (money). It’s not muzungu that gets to me--the difference I feel isn’t our skin colour, but all that comes with it. From my appearance it is obvious that I’m from a more developed country and since I’m in Africa I have money, or at least options and opportunity.  

I feel really strange about having dropped in here for 3 months to try in vain to fit in and convince people of what we have in common while hiding certain things such as my beliefs or thoughts on the world, or my material wealth such as my ipod. I can’t fit in here because everyone knows when they look at me that I belong to a world apart from theirs. Even if I did everything right and became Rwandan in every way, I would still be part of something that they aren’t, and I would always have that escape. I’m getting on a plane in a few weeks to leave all this behind. For me this was an exciting adventure and learning experience, and could even be viewed as “roughing it” by our standards, but this is life for everyone I’ve met here. There are many things that I’m looking forward to when I get home like hot running water, a proper mattress, toilet seats, etc., but I have to remind myself that in our Kibungo house we have running water every night, big foam mattresses and toilets, which is more than most of our student counterparts at INATEK have in their homes.

Bah! I have many thoughts on this topic but it’s hard to describe them in writing. My evening improved as we made the most delicious dinner of home-made macaroni (with which must have been the most expensive cheddar in all of Rwanda), grilled sandwiches and salad, and then sat down to watch ‘Love Actually’. It turned into a lovely night.